Thursday, August 4, 2016

You Are What You Eat -

“It doesn’t matter how hard you work in the gym if you don’t control what you put on your plate”


This is definitely true.  If I work out for two hours and burn 800 calories working my arse off then turn around and eat a Costco sized pizza by myself, I’ve negated the hard work I just did.  (Some would argue that the body will still build stamina and muscle from the workout, so it’s not negated. I just mean in terms of weight loss. You won’t have your calorie deficit.)


For today’s blog, I thought it might be a good idea to catalogue the foods I eat.


Foods and food combinations I like to eat, in no particular order:


Trigger/Emotional Response?
Energy Drinks (Rockstar, Amp, Full Throttle, NOS)
My attitude towards energy drinks and soda is that I “need” them.  I “need” the caffeine to stay awake at work.  I also have an “addiction” to the feeling of drinking something carbonated. It is much more satisfying than water.
Soda (Mountain Dew, Cherry Pepsi)
Hi-Chew Candies
I started grabbing these because they’re near the cash register at the gas station I get energy drinks at. It’s easy to sit and eat a whole bag.
McDonald’s Sausage/Egg McMuffin
These are definitely a “cop-out” food. Instead of taking time to make breakfast in the mornings I stop at the McDonald’s on my route to work.
Sausage/Egg Cheese Bagel (Vending Machines)
Kind of the same as above. Easily accessible and faster than cooking something in the morning.
Breakfast Burrito (Flour tortilla, scrambled eggs, cheese blend, bacon)
Scrambled Eggs (Bag-o-eggs from the cafeteria)
Pringles Sour Cream and Onion chips (I’m not even all that fond of the chips themselves. I just like the topping on them.)
Same as Hi-Chew Candies. I started getting these in the morning with my energy drinks and polishing off the container either on the way in or when I got to work.
Donuts (Specifically chocolate bars, apple hand-pies or cream filled.)
Whenever I go to Haggen I like to get a donut. Also, we have donuts a LOT at work.  If a box mysteriously appears here I tend to eat 2-4 throughout the day.
Pizza (oh God. Here is the big one. If I get an actual pizza I like the Hawaiian type. But if I get pizza it’s usually accompanied by cinnamon sticks and cheesy bread.)
Pizza is my kryptonite. It’s my go-to junk food. Easy to order when I don’t want to deal with people outside of my apartment. Relatively cheap, delicious. It’s definitely a HUGE comfort food. This is a BAD one.
Pizza Sub Sandwich (Vending machines)
Lunch go-to.  HORRIBLE for you. Nearly 800 calories and a week’s worth of sodium in one.
Chips (Fritos Ranch chips, Doritos, Cheetos, Buffalo Bleu Kettle chips with French onion dip.)
Another lunch-go-to.  I’ve been favoring the Fritos Ranch chips ever since I discovered them in the vending machines downstairs.  When I’m at home I really enjoy the BBK chips with dip. Like…eat the whole bag enjoy.)
Reese’s Peanut butter cups/Chocolate bar/Mounds Bar (Various other tidbits of chocolate but those are the main types.)
It’s not unusual for me to get some sort of candy during the day. Chocolate is a favorite.
Burger King (Large combo, Whopper with bacon and cheese. Large Fries, large cherry coke.)
Subway (Foot long, wheat, cold cut combo with cheddar cheese, lettuce, spinach, tomato, pickle and honey mustard. Usually get this with soda.)
Eggs (usually btwn 4-6 eggs) and two pieces of toast with butter
“Getting in protein” but in reality it’s another example of overeating.
Tuna fish with spicy pickles
When there’s not a whole lot else going on in the kitchen
Mango or Raspberry sorbet with MASS chocolate shell topping
This is definitely another emotional trigger food.  Bored and lonely means sorbet time.
Pasado Steak and Cheese chimichangas. (Usually 3-4 with tomatoes and salsa)
When I have these in my freezer, I eat them constantly. I don’t want to eat other foods because I am addicted to the flavor.  These are one of those foods I have to just STOP eating.
Feta Cheese
Cereal with vanilla almond milk (cocoa pebbles, frosted mini wheats, honeycomb, captain crunch, trix, kix, apple jacks)
Comfort/Boredom eating
Orange-Cream ice cream bars
Comfort/Boredom eating
String Cheese
Caesar salad kit, bagged – dressing, croutons, parmesan cheese and usually added chicken
“Being healthy” but not really. I like the taste of this but realize it’s not very good for you despite being a “salad.”
Frozen pizza (pepperoni, cheese or Hawaiian)
For when it’s too expensive to order pizza from elsewhere.
Frozen blueberries mixed with peanut butter
Desperate moment, but actually a pretty decent snack
Frozen Waffles (Slightly thawed, eaten plain)
I don’t buy frozen waffles very often but these are really tasty as a snack. Another grazing/boredom food.
Sour gummy worms
Kirkland Brand Black Forest Ham
Cheese Ravioli
Don’t have this very often, usually an Olive Garden with friends sort of meal.
Chicken and dumpling soup
Rare occasion, I’m not a big fan of soups.
Steak and Potatoes
A go-to when I go to restaurants with good steak.
Turkey Sausage with cheddar cheese and crackers
Chocolate marble cake
Comfort/Boredom/Sweet Tooth slater
Butter popcorn dipped in nacho cheese or with cheesy popcorn powder
Drive-In/Theater favorite.  I don’t eat this outside of movie settings.
Soft Cinnamon and sugar pretzels
Rare/Boredom eating
Orange/Sweet and Sour chicken
Take-out thing. I don’t usually get Asian inspired cuisine.
Milkshakes/Frozen “fruit” smoothies. (Includes Bigfoot Java Strawberry Sasquatch)
Don’t get this very often, usually an “out on the town” sort of treat.
Jug of Japanese Fruit Jellies
Limited access, but when I have them they are a boredom/comfort food.
Pita Bread/Dinner rolls
Sometimes bread cravings win out and I’ll eat these plain or with ham and cheese.
Apple Fritter bread/cinnamon sugar toast
Rare, but boredom/comfort type food.


I’m sure there’s stuff I missed, but I tried to touch on all the foods that I eat a lot or have at least had within recent memory.  The last two weeks I’ve been trying to get in the habit of having a greens smoothie every morning. (With maca powder and this green superfood mix from Costco.) This way I can at least have some of the nutritional benefits I’m missing out on with my diet.
It's definitely an eye opener to see how little I eat in terms of natural, raw and healthy foods.  Well. If there was any question as to why I gained weight, there isn't anymore!





Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Losing Weight - Reflection and Moving Forward

The first time I tried – and I mean really tried – to lose weight, I was wildly successful. I lost nearly 100 pounds and got myself from 52% body fat to an athletic 18%.  I look at pictures of myself from that time in my life and I can’t fathom how I ever thought I was still fat.  Looking in the mirror now I can only wish I was that “fat” again!


While I can speculate what it was that threw me off I won’t pretend to know exactly why I gained everything back (with interest.)  There’s the obvious - I stopped controlling what I was eating, I stopped going to the gym. Yet, all the while other aspects of my life were changing in big and stressful ways.  I’ve never handled stress or change well, so I’d say that contributed to the overall apathetic feeling I developed for salads and push-ups. 


In less than 8 years, I went from 260 pounds to 167, then I shot up to a massive 310.  I hover in that area now - sliding from 310 down to 300 and everywhere in between depending on how the day finds me.  I eat without discrimination against fat, sugar or calorie content.  I can’t remember most of the exercises that helped me lose weight the first time around.  IF I go to the gym I spend most of my time in my car trying to convince myself to go in. When I do manage to hit the machines it’s usually for a painfully awkward 15 minutes of feeling like everyone is staring at the fat chick before I scurry out the door and escape home to my Xbox and the Domino’s Pizza delivery app.


Things aren’t any different now.  By that I mean…writing this blog doesn’t mean I’ve hit some huge turning point in my life. I haven’t had an epiphany that made me see the light and will make me do some movie montage type sh*t to transform my life.  The gym still intimidates me. The idea of changing what I eat and watching every single calorie makes me nauseous.  The knowledge of how freakin’ hard it’s going to be to lose all this weight again makes me question if it’s really worth it.  Worst of all is knowing that yes. Yes I can lose the weight again. I can get my ass to the gym and eat right and do what I need to do - but no matter how much hard work I put into it, I can also gain all of it back.  The terrifying reality of that complete and utter failure is here in front of me every single day.


What if I lose the weight and I can’t keep it off?  What if I have even more loose skin than I did last time around? What if I can’t lose the weight?


So many what ifs, so much fear of the unknown. There’s also laziness, for sure. There’s a lack of priorities and no desire to invest in myself because of a cripplingly low self-esteem.


Yet despite all of this, something has to change.  I can’t spend the rest of my life holding back and being miserable because of my weight. I need to take a hard look at what I’m doing NOW. Instead of focusing on what I did before, on the person I used to be, I need to assess what my situation is now and how I can make changes.  None of that “small changes” and “one step at a time” crap. I hate that. I hate slow progress.  If I’m really, honestly trying I want to see results.




Milestone Markers:


Lose 30 pounds:  After I lose 30 pounds, I want a tattoo on my upper left arm to cover scars from my….emotionally turbulent adolescence.  I think this is a great first goal.  While I may not be seeing a huge change in my body yet, I’ll be able to cover up something that bothers me. Hopefully this will motivate me to keep going.  To hold myself accountable, I will contact my tattoo artist and let her know what my plan is. Maybe I can get her in on it and she’ll help keep me going J (A reasonable goal is to shoot for losing 30lbs in 7-10 weeks. I will set my first goal timeline for 10/1/2016)


As I reach my milestones, I’ll set new ones.  Don’t try to tackle everything at once because it starts to become really overwhelming. For right now, if I look to lose 30 pound increments, I’ll be setting myself up for 5 milestone markers.)